Songs of Expression
by DegenerateStar
Summary: Just a few short stories inspired by songs.
1. Chapter 1

Authors Note: So this is my first story, a friend showed me a discussion board that had the prompt of what songs come to mind when you think of your favorite characters...so I decided to take a leap of faith and try my hand at a few little short stories based on the characters... if i fail miserably just let me down gently.

P.s. I don't own any rights to any song reference or any material related to Person of Interest or the CBS network.

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_"I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing"-Aerosmith_

Three centimeters, that was all John could think of as he lay awake in bed listening to her breathe and staring at the patch of gauze stuck to her chest between her breasts. Finding out that she was still alive was the only thing that stopped him from putting a bullet in Quinn's head. After Shaw patched him up she told him that the bullet Simmons fired at Joss missed her major arteries and lodged itself into her lung, which by some miracle didn't collapse.

John didn't consider himself a religious man, but as he stood in her hospital room listening to her heart beat though the ECG, he might have to reconsider the notion. He couldn't stop the silent tears that slide down his face as he brushed his lips across her closed eye lids and thanked God she was still alive.

As he gently trailed his hand across her cheek and lips, he couldn't help the grin that spread across his face as she softly smiled in her sleep. He should be sleeping right now, but he just couldn't will himself to close his eyes long enough to accomplish the task. He instead wanted to watch every flutter of her eye lids, every twitch of her mouth and listen to every silent sigh that escaped her lips as she slept. So he stayed awake and watched and appreciated every small and subtle nuance. He was so damn lucky, he was given a second chance to make "whatever this is", with her work and he sure in the hell didn't wanna miss a thing.


	2. Chapter 2

_"Drunk in Love"-Beyonce_

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The sound of chatter was drown out by the sound of blow dryers and flat irons as she sat in the beauty shop getting her hair redone. As Joss sat in the chair her mind drifted off to the reason she was back in the chair getting her hair redone within the same week. Her damn near life long hairstylist sure in the hell knew the reason, judging by the shit eating grin that spread across her face when she removed her hat as she sat down in the chair.

Last night. Dear goodness last night. This was all Sam's fault, no Harold's, no, the computers. No this was all John's fault. Yeah this was definitely his fault, kind of. Well it was kind of his fault that she had to go the framing store this morning. But it was definitely his fault she was sitting in this chair getting her hair redone within the same week.

Last night Shaw showed up at the precinct after her shift was over and asked, more like stated they were going to get some drinks. Her first mistake was assuming that "some drinks" in Sam's vocabulary meant some drinks. Three mixed drinks and ten shots later, John showed turns out that the DJ owed money to some very bad people, who were looking to collect by any means necessary. In order to keep a close eye on him, John asked her to dance with him near the DJ's booth. Her second mistake was dancing with him. She shouldn't have danced the way she she did but she was feeling the music and feeling the liquor even more.

Long story short, kneecaps were busted and Sam ditched her for a tall muscle bound bouncer, saying something along the lines of finding herself a "boy toy" and that she should take her boy home and enjoy his toy. Flashes of her hands touching herself in his car on the way back to her place. The memories were on instant replay in her head of her bed sheets, the floor, her bathtub and all the grinding and swerving and just all that good, good stuff.

Joss cleared her throat and pinched the bridge of her nose while shifting in her chair. Trying to refocus her thoughts, she started at the floor, seeing her newly reframed Andy Warhol print of the Brooklyn Bridge brought back even more memories about last night. Okay, that one was her fault, she kind of threw him off his balance in the foyer. But the rest of it was Johns fault. It was his fault that her house was a mess, his fault that her hair was sweated out and she had to get it redone and it was definitely his fault they woke up on the kitchen floor this morning. Men, why the hell did they have to eat after sex and apparently during in John's case. That ass feed her pancakes while he was still inside ….never mind.

Yeah it was definitely his fault, thank goodness Taylor was spending the weekend with Paul. Yeah, it was definitely John's fault. Who else's fault could it be? Like a ton of bricks hitting her in the face, Joss realized who fault this really was, Beyonces. Yeah it was her fault with all that self and sexually empowering music that was playing in the club when all this started. Yeah it was Beyonces fault that she acted like she was addicted to, no drunk in love with everything that was John Reese.

A half laugh escaped her lips, who the hell was she trying to fool. She wanted it last night, wanted him and judging by how hoarse her voice was this morning she had wanted it all night.


	3. Chapter 3

_"Only know you love her when you let her go...and you let her go"-Passenger_

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Six months. That's all John could think of as he sat at the bar staring at the bottom of his now empty glass. He slowly reached into his pocket and pulled out a wallet sized photo. He had memorized every detail of it. He half heartily smiled when he remembered where the picture came from. He was meeting with Joss at their diner so she could give him some information on a number. He just so happened to have his new camera with him. He remembered telling her to smile for him, so he could make sure it worked right. What he got was a shot of her with a coffee mug at her lips and the unmistakable gleam of amusement in her eyes that she always had on her face whenever he made her annoyingly happy at his antics. The smile and warm feeling left him just as quick as it came.

Other than his dreams, the picture was the only thing he had left of her. Why did it take so long for him to realize the truth? Why did knowing that he loved her, come so slow to him, just to go so fast? Why did this keep happening? Why did it seem like everything he touched died? Kara was right he was the darkness and maybe this was God's way of telling him he had to walk in it alone.

Every night he found himself staring at the ceiling in the dark of his apartment, while the empty cold feeling that built in his chest and lodged itself in his throat. How could he not have realized his feeling sooner? Why did it take losing her forever for him to realize he loved her so much? She really was the brightest light in his life. He was standing right there and he let her go, he let her die.

He touched her photo one last time as he paid his tab and made his way back to his apartment. As he walked the snow covered streets of New York he hoped that if he did manage to sleep tonight, he'd be able to see her in his dreams. He honestly didn't know which was worst not remembering his dreams or remembering them and realizing when he awoke that they were just dreams. Oh how he wished he could make his dreams last forever.


	4. Chapter 4

_"Right on the limits where we know we both belong tonight"-Lady Gaga_

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It was cold out the weatherman was calling for more snow and freezing rain but Joss didn't care as she made her way down the boardwalk toward the last pier. As she made her way, the outline of a lone figure standing at the end looking out toward the city came into view. It had taken them awhile to get their bearings after the HR mess but they managed to make it work. As she made her way toward him her thoughts drifted to the time they first met, to him telling her she wasn't alone, to both of their near death experiences with the CIA and HR. She knew she should be feeling anxiety over what had happened and what has yet to come but all she felt was a calm, rooted in the truth that washed over her like a warm summer breeze.

As she came to stop next to him she stared out over the edge of the pier into the city's skyline that slowly melted into the unknown inky blackness of the water below them. It wasn't the time or the place for jokes and "I love you's", instead it was time for contemplative silence. She turned her body toward John and grabbed one of his hands and pried it from the rail. She looked out over the edge again and without hesitation, moved into his personal space and wrapped her arms around his waist and held on tight. After a few moments his arms gripped her shoulders and then slowly moved to cradle her to his chest as he buried his face in her hair.

He was finally realizing the truth that she did. That their journeys weren't over yet, they still had mountains to climb. Whether it was today, tomorrow, or in 40 years they'd eventually reach the top of the last mountain. But as they both stood their embracing each other in the silence of the night, an unspoken promise was made. That when they got to the last cliff they'd both fall over into the abyss together. Till then they'd both be standing right on the limits of the edge of glory waiting for the end.


	5. Chapter 5

_"Cause all of me loves all of you"-John Legend_

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Joss stared at herself in the bathroom mirror as her eyes ran over her body. Her eyes slowly followed her hand as her figure tips ran over the faint stretch marks on her sides that she got from carrying another life inside her body for months, followed by the cesarean scar left on her abdomen. A smile spread across her face as she remembered holding her little baby boy for the first time. Her smile slowly fell as her hand reached the patch of discolored skin that marked where she was wounded while serving her country. Tears slowly fell down her face as her hand reached the newly puckered skin by her heart that was a silent reminder that she had technically died that night, she was clinically dead for 2 minutes before the EMTs managed to restart her heart on the way to the hospital. It had been almost two years since then.

She closed her eyes and let her tears fall silently. Her thoughts were interrupted by two arms encircling her body and pulling her into a warm broad chest. John. She rubbed her face against his chest as he comforted her and rubbed her back as she cried. He had just as many physical and emotional scars as she did, if not more. They had spent all this time learning and getting to know one another over and over again. She shook her head and smiled thinking about this man, her man and everything she loved about him. She sure was lucky to have him, the way he treated her made her feel foolishly girly all the time. He would hold her and love every bit of her body, every curve, every edge, every scar, and every imperfection.

He loved everything about her from her smart mouth to the way she knew how to field strip an AR15 faster then him. They were both perfectly imperfect. They were both each others end and beginning. He loved all of her and she would be damned if she didn't love all of him too.


	6. Chapter 6

_"It's like you're my mirror...my mirror staring back at me"-Justin Timberlake_

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Happy, content, relaxed. John didn't know what one word to use to describe how he felt right now. Nevertheless, he was enjoying himself. It was one of the few rare times he had the night off no crime, no number. He was almost certain without a doubt that the reason for the silence was because it was snowing blankets outside, not to mention it was cold enough to freeze Satan's' balls off. Regardless of the reason he was going to enjoy his lovely evening off with an even lovelier woman.

On a whim yesterday he asked her if she would have dinner and watch a movie with him at his place. He'd been smiling every since she said yes. He went all out to impress her, he made a full course meal that included salad and a light soup, followed by spinach manicotti with homemade bread sticks and lastly for dessert red velvet cheese cake swirl brownies. Much better than Chilean sea bass, Ian, that little shit was lucky he turned out to be innocent or he would have been locked away in a Mexican prison right about now.

Right now though he and Joss were snuggled on his couch in the living room, watching Liam Neeson go "man in the suit" on the people who took his daughter. Although he wasn't really focused on watching the movie, instead his attention was on his and Joss's reflection in his window panes. He couldn't help but admire everything about her. Now that he thought about them he began to notice more and more how much they reflect one another, it sometimes felt like he was staring at a mirror.

He didn't know how she did it but somewhere along the line she managed to fill the vacancy that was in his heart. He tightened his grip on her, he couldn't lose her not now, not ever. She lifted her head and stared up at him asking what was wrong. God, he could just get lost in her big brown eyes, he wanted to tell her to keep her eyes on him forever.

It was clear as day that he was looking right at the other half of himself. He leant in and placed a kiss on her lips. He could feel it, the old him was slowly fading and she was the reason. She was his inspiration to quit holding onto yesterday and live and fight for a now and with her beside him, he knew he was going to make it, that they were going to make it to tomorrow.


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Thank you all for your reviews and words of encouragement. I'll keep the stories rolling as long as possible.

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_"If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity"-Zeed_

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As she lay awake in bed all she could think of was this was complete and utter insanity. She turned over onto her side and stared at him as he slept. Here she was again, right back in his bed. They had no idea what they were doing. No, that was a lie, they both knew what was happening between them and they both knew how it was going to end.

His past, her fears. Her future, his fears. Their fears were constant barriers that always seemed to come back to life at the worst times. Their moments of bliss were always interrupted when their fears got in the way, when that happened one of them would always end up pulling away from the other. But in the end their need for one another culminated in a push so strong and so deep that they'd end up falling right back into each others arms, where they'd hold on tight bracing themselves for the crash.

It was the pure insanity of love that made them forget their common sense. Their love, them just being together was the makings of a tragedy that was fit enough for Shakespeare.

She knew it, he knew it, and the people around them knew it. But for the life of her being with him was her clarity. He was the remedy to the poison in her veins that life left as the price of living in this world. It may be insanity but she thrived in it and she refused to apologize.

As she laid her hand on his chest, her eyes began to close. She'd fight for this she'd chase him relentlessly to the ends of the earth and beyond. She could pretend and say she didn't know why, but she did, with every fiber of her being she did, because she knew it was worth it. He was worth it.


	8. Chapter 8

"I got your back boy"-T.I.

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The hushed voices of patrons and the soft piano music playing in the background were drowned out by John's thoughts. He sat quietly at the elegantly clothed table in an over the top expensive restaurant waiting for his date to get back from the restroom. They had finished dinner and were waiting for their desserts to arrive when Joss had excused herself to the restroom.

As he sat at the table waiting, his thoughts wondered back to the events of the day. John pinched the bridge of his nose. The day had started off with them receiving a number that, at this point he and Harold had come to memorize, Leon. How that man managed to stay in trouble was beyond him. The trouble he caused came to a head when two burly men cornered he and Leon at a pub. He managed to knock one guy out but his friend got the drop on him. He was on the verge of passing out from the body builder that was crushing his wind pipe, but before he could the man's grip left his throat as he dropped to the ground unconscious.

As he managed to steady himself onto his feet the sense of Déjà vu surrounded him. Standing in front of him was Joss holding the remnants of the bar stool she just broke over his assailants head. She dropped what was left of the stool and moved into his personal space inspecting his face, head and neck to make sure he was okay. While she was scolding Leon like a little child, he couldn't stop himself from leaning into her hand and smiling,then she turned her fury on him, scolding him for being reckless.

She pouted her lips and then smiled before she pinched his cheek and told in she had his back. She then told them to get lost while she called in the bar fight and two unconscious individuals on the floor.

He came out of his thoughts as she sat back down in front of him and smiled. She looked stunning tonight, her hair was down in lose curls and her lips were painted red, he'd never seen her wear red lipstick before. She wore an elegant knee length black cocktail dress that commanded attention to all the right places. John scowled, the waiter was in the process of putting their desserts on the table, and if the young man didn't stop looking at her chest he was going to break his hand.

As they enjoyed their desserts and each others company, he as slowly coming to the realization that she was always going to be there for him no matter what. Good or bad, high or low. It was about time he stepped up and let her know how much he appreciated all she did for him. If he had too he'd buy her fancy purses and blouses, flawless diamonds, summer houses or a personal weapons arsenal. Whatever she wanted he'd deliver, he was going to make it his mission on Earth to make her happy. They lifted their glasses to toast, while she said "here's to us", the only thing he was thinking was "here's to her".


	9. Chapter 9

"Isn't she lovely, made from love"-Stevie Wonder

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The silence of the night was disrupted by the hum of a car engine as it slowly pulled into its parking space. John shut the engine off and closed the door to his car. Gathering his things together he made his way up the front steps to his house. His keys jingled as he pushed his way through the front door and quietly closed it behind him. He looked at his watch, 3:00AM it was a long day. They had to save the life of a number whose girlfriend, who he'd cheated on, gave new meaning to the word "psycho". John winced remembering the events of the evening, by the time he and Shaw got to the poor guy, she had already literally cut off his balls and was in the process of removing his manhood. Long story, he was just glad he was home.

He made his way to the kitchen and reheated his plate of food that was left in the fridge. After he finished his food he silently made his way upstairs and toward their bedroom, but not before doing his routine safety check. He silently pushed open the door to the room closest to theirs and made his way inside. Bear acknowledge him by lifting his head and giving his tail a wag before lying back down in his doggy bed.

John made his way toward the far corner of the room and let out a sigh of relief, safe and sound. If someone had told him a year ago this was where his life was going he would have called them crazy. But sure enough here he was with everything he could ever have hoped for and more.

Twelve months ago, even now he could still see the delighted look on Harold's face and the shock and disturbed lock on Lionel and Shaw's faces when he told them the good news. As Shaw crudely put it he hit the trifecta. Not only did he get Joss pregnant in their 40's but he got her pregnant while she was on birth control…with twins.

He stared down at the two little bundles of joy that were his daughters .When he found out he was going to be a father, that Joss was going to make him a father, he was scared, nervous and transcended all at once. When they first found out that they were having twins, at 40, the look on Joss's face, let's just say he was glad she was retired and didn't carry her Beretta with her, he'd much rather get hit with a law book, then get shot in the knee caps. When they found out the twins were both going to be girls, Taylor said he was glad he was going to school in another state, and wished him luck being in house full of girls.

As his thoughts wondered, he remembered the night they were born. One was born on the 15th at 11:58PM and the other was born on the 16th at 12:01AM. As Joss lay sleeping in the room next door, he stood in the nursery looking at the miracles that their love made. They were absolutely perfect, wonderful, precious and oh so lovely, just like their mother.


	10. Chapter 10

"Cause I am a Superwoman, Yes I am. Yes she is"-Alicia Keys

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By 5:00AM, she was up.

By 6:00AM, she was dressed and making breakfast.

By 6:20AM, she was hassling Taylor to get his lazy behind up and dressed for school.

By 8:30AM, she had dropped Taylor off at school and had three cups of coffee and was at her desk ready for the day.

By 10:30AM, she had finished her paperwork and half of Fusco's, because she knew he having some trouble trying to fit his son into his schedule, so a little less paperwork went a long way.

By 11:30AM, she and Fusco were investigating another homicide, another kid dead, lost to the streets that were the part of New York tourist didn't see.

By 12:00PM, she barely had time to scarf down a hot dog for lunch before John asked her for help getting the seal juvenile file of their new "number".

By 2:00PM, she was barely breaking down the stack of paperwork that came with the mess John and Sam caused downtown.

By 4:00PM, she was twelve cups of coffee in and still dead tired as she closed up her desk and made her way to another crime scene.

By 6:30PM, she was finishing up dinner and putting it in the oven for latter, before she grabbed her purse and keys and made her way to Taylor's school so she could watch his 7:00 basketball game.

By 10:30PM, she was making sure Taylor had ALL of his homework done before he could play video games.

By 10:45PM, Harold called her to go bust John and Sam out of a county lockup that was one hour upstate.

By 1:30AM, she was showered and ready for bed.

By 5:00AM, she awoke with a headache and still tired. As she made her way to her bathroom she took an Advil. She looked at herself in the mirror, she was a mess, a tired mess, but she sucked it up, washed her face and soldiered on with the day as though she was indestructible just like Superwoman.


	11. Chapter 11

"Cause I'm dangerously in love with you"-Beyonce

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The silence in her room was disrupted as her watch alarm went off. She sat up in her bed and swung her legs over the side and made her way to her bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror as she opened her prescription bottles full of pills that had names she couldn't even pronounce. As she filled her cup with water her thoughts drifted off.

She was trying to understand her feelings on a certain vigilante that had come into her life two and a half years ago. Man he pissed her off all the time when he would run through the streets of New York shooting people in the knee caps. It was like he didn't care that he had the whole alphabet soup of government agencies after him. Not to mention the added stress he brought into her life. Man he made raising a teenage boy easy.

She let out a small laugh as she washed downed her pain medication. He had become a permanent fixture in her life. She couldn't deny she enjoyed all the things the shared. It was like she couldn't imagine her life without him somewhere in it.

She liked the breakfasts and cups of coffee they shared almost every morning and the banter between them. She liked his voice when he said her name. She liked his salt and pepper hair and that adorable cowlick he tried to glue down to his head with hair gel. She liked the color of his eyes. It was like she couldn't function through a single day without seeing or hearing from him at least once a day. God, she loved him.

The smile on her face fell from her face like a ton of bricks as she dropped the cup that was in her hand. No she didn't love him he was just a really good friend. She wasn't in love with him, she couldn't be. She did what she did for him because they were "just friends". She stopped chasing him because he saved her life. She tampered with federal evidence and drugged a stranger because they were "just friends". She was okay with risking her career to save him because he was a good man and he was her friend. She was willing to disarm a bomb vest without proper gear because he was her friend. She let him kiss her and she kissed him back because they were "just friends" She forgot all her training and put herself in the line of fire so Simmons couldn't get another shot off at him because they were friends. She took a 22mm slug to the chest without a vest because they were just friends. No she wasn't in love with him.

Her back hit the bathroom wall as she slowly sank to the floor. She clutched her hands to stop them from shaking. She did all she did for him because she was in love with him. She was so in love with him. She was so in love that it was dangerous and the realization shook her to the core. What was she going to do?


	12. Chapter 12

_"I just called to say I love you"-Stevie Wonder_

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John stared on as he watched in amusement as the pervert who was their new number got his ass handed to him by Shaw. The man made one too many mistakes when it came to harassing his female colleagues. They managed to convince the woman he sexually assaulted to let them handle the situation. He could thoroughly contest that Shaw was handling it. After being under cover for less than a day that guy made the mistake of trying to shove his hand up Shaw's skirt. As he watched on he realized that the guy might not be able to use said hand ever again.

Feeling that he wasn't needed, he busied himself by opening an app on his phone. After the feed loaded he found himself looking at his detective, his very frustrated looking detective pouring over pills of paper work at her desk. He contemplated his actions for a second and then scrolled through his contacts and placed his call.

He listened as the phone rang and she picked up after the first ring and berated him saying she wasn't in the mood to play Gordon to his Batman. He let out a laugh thinking of himself stalking around New York in a cape and cowl. Although he thought he would look ridiculous, he wouldn't mind seeing her in a skin tight body suit with a whip. He cleared his throat and assured her that wasn't calling for help and when she asked why he was calling her in the middle of the day distracting her from her job.

He paused and said he just called to say "I love you", and then he hung up before she could reply. He looked back at the video feed on his phone and watched as she stared at her phone before a smile brighter than the sun broke out across her face. Mission accomplished, he put his phone back in his pocket. He should probably save the number before Shaw put him in a coma. On second thought considering what the guy did to his victims he decided that a few more minutes wouldn't hurt.


	13. Chapter 13

"Don't leave me in all this pain don't leave me out in the rain…un-break my heart"-Toni Braxton

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Everything was perfect. Everything had been going wonderful for them until now. If only she could have known what was coming she wouldn't have let him walk out the door this morning.

Her heart pounded in her chest as she made her way through the countless rows of stacked containers in the heavy rain. This couldn't be happening not now not like this, they still had time. This morning Harold and them had got a number the led them to a human trafficking ring. Their plan hadn't gone the way it was suppose to and they had lost contact with John. They had called her and Fusco to help them find him. When they got to the site they found wounded and dead bodies of the human traffickers. Her, Shaw and Fusco split up and were now traversing the maze of containers looking for him. Her thoughts were disrupted by the echo of multiple gunshots.

As she rounded the corner heading toward the gun shots her worst nightmares were creeping into her conscience. Her heart dropped as she saw John leaning against the side of a container clutching his chest. He was hurt badly and even in the heavy rain pouring down around them it couldn't hide the blood coming from his chest. She called out his name as she barely managed to catch him before he collapsed to the ground. She turned him over and tried to stop the blood that was seeping out of his wounds. This wasn't happening. No not yet. Why was time being so unkind to them?

She tapped her earpiece and told Harold to send Shaw and Fusco her way and to call an ambulance. She cradled him in her lap and told him to hold on. He couldn't die not now he couldn't leave her like this. He was trying to hang on as he struggled to breath. He was trying to tell her something but the words couldn't leave his mouth. But as they looked into each other eyes she knew what he was trying to say, what he wanted her to know before he left her. In a matter of seconds his chest fell, his eyes closed and he was gone. She sat there in the pouring rain holding him as she cried her eyes out begging him to open his eyes and come back to her. But no matter how much she begged and pleaded she knew he was gone and never coming back.

Her tears and sobs where drown out by the rain as her heart completely broke and shatter into a dust so fine that it could never be unbroken and put back together again.


	14. Chapter 14

"Don't get too close it's dark inside it's where my demons hide"-Imagine Dragons

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He was sitting at the bar with Shaw having a drink, well he was having a drink, she was having a bottle. They had a particularly rough number today that had taken them to D.C. and back to New York in less than 20 hours. Their number had been a former soldier turned CIA lap dog. Turns out the number was just like he and Shaw. They all bought the "for your country" bit and were rewarded for their service with a bullet. The number had managed to escape and fall off the grid and become a nameless nobody living halfway across the world. Until the CIA decided that he was a liability that needed to be permanently dealt with. So the CIA came for him and killed his wife and three year old child in the process. Long story short the number made his way state side and got his revenge. His rampage finally ended in non-descript government building. John could have stopped him before he killed his former handler, but he didn't. The part of him that wanted the man to succeed in destroying the people who were responsible for his family's death won out, especially after what the handler said.

Before his death the handler told the number that people like him dug their own graves. That he knew what he was signing up for when he signed his life away to them. He told the number that his family's death was on his hands that they were collateral damage as a result of his past.

His thoughts were brought back to the bar when his phone vibrated. He pulled it out of his pocket and saw that it was Joss texting him asking if he was okay. Harold must have told her what happened. He texted her back telling her he was fine.

His eyes drifted to the mirror behind the bar, he hated looking at himself sometimes. He hated when he could see the demons inside trying to make their way to the surface to remind him of the things he has done.

He looked downed at his phone again as Joss texted him telling him to come over. He knew he shouldn't go over, not like this, he didn't want her to see him like this. He wanted to shelter her from the beast that was lurking inside of him. He didn't want to snuff out her light with the darkness that was always threatening to consume what was left of his soul. But as he made his way out of the bar his feet carried him to her place.

He was selfish and greedy. He wanted to be near her, wanted her to hold him. He wanted her to look into his eyes and no matter what she saw, to tell him that she would always love him. She was his savior and he needed her to save him from the darkness and pull him into the light.


	15. Chapter 15

"U got, u got it bad if you miss a day without your friend your whole life's off track"-Usher

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John stared at the clock hanging on the wall of his loft. It had been 28 days since he last saw her. It had been 2 days 4 hours and 20 minutes since he last talked to her on the phone. It had been 3 hours since she last texted him. Every since she got shot things for him had been different.

In the heat of the moment he had let his emotion run wild and he blurted out the feeling he had for her. Once he said what he said he felt like a weight had been removed from his chest. If his Mother was still alive she'd probably slap him upside the head for putting the moves on a woman he liked in the middle of a morgue. He brought his hand to his face to control his cheeks, even after a month he still smiled like an idiot when he thought about their kiss. He missed her, she was recuperating at her mother's house. Well according to her she was being held against her will by overbearing family members. Even though she was only a few hours away it still felt like his whole day and life was off track because she wasn't there. He didn't even enjoy knee capping bad guys as much since she wasn't around to hassle him about his methods.

It was amazing how far they come without even realizing it. They went from adversaries to friends to comrades to something more. He didn't know exactly when his feelings changed. He did know she became his sort of friend when she stopped trying to arrest him. She became a friend when she saved him from getting his ass handed to him by a neo-Nazi. She became a true friend when she helped him find Harold. She became his comrade when she risked everything to free him from prison. She became something more when she made it clear that she was willing to die trying to disarm a bomb vest to save him. She became something more when they had moments over coffee and pie. She definitely became something more when she unknowingly became the reason he had to take cold showers in the morning. She absolutely became something more to him when they used her, Zoe and Shaw as bait for a potential serial killer. He honestly tried to sabotage her dating profile by stating she had a kid and was a cop. He remembered the look Harold gave him when he changed her profile setting from the lawyer profile Harold made.

She was definitely became more than 'just a friend' when he was ready to beat the living hell out of Ian when he kissed her. Just thinking about it made him mad who did that short baby faced twit think he was kissing his girl.

John sat up in his bed 'his girl'. No she wasn't his girl. She was his friend and comrade. He liked her because she was his friend. He made her laugh because she was his friend. He wanted to change and become a better person because his friend said she believed he was a good man. He knew her likes and dislikes because they were friends. He knew she liked dark chocolate, that her favorite TV show was MASH, that her favorite romance movie was Casablanca, her favorite comedy movie was Liar, Liar. He knew that she took 3 sugars and 1 cream in her coffee because they were just friends.

He wondered what she would look like walking around his apartment wearing socks and his dress shirt because they were just friends. That night at the club, acting strictly as a friend, he keep staring at her wondering what she had on under her dress.

He let out a half laugh. Yeah he had it bad for her because she was just his friend.


	16. Chapter 16

"Keep On With The Force Don't Stop Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough"-Michael Jackson

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Joss waited patiently as the elevator brought her to John's floor. She looked at her watch it was 7:00PM, she was early. When he called to ask if she wanted to come over and have dinner, she agreed. She told him she would be at his place by 8:00PM but she got off work early, so she grabbed a bottle of wine and headed over as soon as she was ready. She texted him to tell him she was coming over early but he didn't reply back.

She used the key he gave her to let herself into his apartment. She was shocked at what she heard, better yet what she saw. She could only describe it as "pure gold". She quietly closed the door and took out her phone and started recording. It was taking all her self control to stifle the laughter that was bubbling on the surface threatening to erupt. She remembered him saying something about doing some chores before she came over but she never would have guessed or suspected that John Reese would ever be caught doing something like this.

Standing in front of her with his back to the door was none other than said individual singing and dancing into a swiffer and not just any song or dance. Here he was in front of her singing Don't Stop Till You Get Enough by Michael Jackson doing the moves Michael did in his music video.

She put her stuff down and slowly made her way over to him. Just as she was about to tap his shoulder he hit the MJ spin and the look on his face when he saw her standing there caused her to burst out laughing and holding her sides.

Once she contained herself she grabbed his fully red face and kissed him and told him he'd never have to worry about her getting enough of him and all his high pitched singing.


	17. Chapter 17

An: Thanks for all the reviews you guys I really appreciate them. I was going to post these next weekend but I'm going to be busy with final exams. Enjoy :).

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"You're every line, you're every word, you're everything"-Michael Buble

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It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining and there was a nice cool breeze in the air. John was enjoying this wonderful day with his girlfriend. Girlfriend, he would never admit it, but being able to call her his girlfriend made him giddy.

Here he was holding a half eaten bag of blue cotton candy as Joss played a ring toss game to win one of the prizes for Bear. They had the evening off and decided to go to Coney Island and enjoy the games like they were a couple of high school kids. Joss won the game and was in the process of picking out on overly sized stuffed teddy bear. He laughed thinking about the horrified expression that would be on Harold's face when he got to the library and discovered the dismembered remains of the stuffed animal scattered all over the place.

She turned around holding the teddy bear to her chest smiling with a coy look on her face. He would never know how she managed to be the girl next door, the badass cop, and the vixen in a skin tight dress all at once.

Before John knew it the day was gone and it was dark out. They were holding hands and making their way down the boardwalk to leave as his thoughts wander. As he thought about all that they had become in the past two she had become to him over the years.

She was his anchor. She was his light in the dark. She was the line in the sand that kept him from going too far. She was slowly becoming his everything. It was a miracle that they managed to be together amidst the craziness of their lives. But whenever he was with her everything felt clam and soothing. He loved being with her and it made him feel proud that he was able to say he was her man.

He slowed their walk to a stop and gently grabbed her face and kissed her. Being with her made him happy, loving her made him happy, being loved by her made him whole and being able to kiss her whenever he wanted to was just the icing on the cake.


	18. Chapter 18

"I'm ready to go, through the fire , to the limit, to the wall for a chance to be with you I'd gladly risk it all"-Chaka Khan

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She and John were working out what they had together, it was still a little shaky, but they were slowly moving forward. But with John it was sometimes two steps forward and 100 steps back. Whenever anything bad happened to her and he felt responsible he would disappear and cut off contact with her. Then she had to go find him and drag him back kicking and screaming. As she waited for the elevator in the lobby of John's apartment her thought drifted to the events that led up to her being here.

Five weeks ago some guy named Hersh had kidnapped her on behalf of some organization named Control, to lure out John, Sam and Harold. When her assailants finally removed the bag from her head she found herself in an abandoned warehouse with her arms tied behind her back. Unfortunately for Hersh, he left her with two bodyguards who didn't look like they had much experience in how to detain a hostage.

She watched them play a game of cards with their backs to her. Wrong move. They must have thought that just because she was short and a woman, she wasn't going to be much of a threat to them. As a former officer in the Army she remembered her training, but also when you make a living taking down criminals who were mainly men who were taller and heavier than you, it was common sense to pick up a few hobbies to protect yourself, her hobby just so happened to be Krav Maga.

Long story short she ended up with a bust lip and nose and her two captives ended up in the hospital with broken arms and concussions. But of course John took one look her face and after figuring out why she was abducted cut ties with her saying it was too dangerous for them to be together.

She sighed as she got onto the elevator. She understood his nervousness to pursue anything with her given his past and the fact that he was still healing from his guilt over Jessica. What she didn't understand was why he didn't understand that she was always going to be there for him no matter what.

As the elevator stopped on his floor she made her way down the hallway.

She was here for him to be his comrade, his friend and his lover. They could make it work, she knew that what life was going to throw at them was going to be hard, but loving him the way she did was the easy and effortless part.

That's why she was here at two in the morning, to let him know that she'd walk through fire just to be with him. She had to let him know that she needed and wanted him in her life. That she was ready to fight and risk it all for what they shared. She wasn't ready to give up and say goodbye. Not now, not ever.


	19. Chapter 19

"They say we laugh just a little too loud, stand just a little too close, we stare just a little too long…let's give 'em something' to talk about"-Bonnie Raitt

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It was a beautiful nice spring day and as a recently retired detective turned lawyer she was enjoying her day off in the park. She was sitting on a blanket watching Taylor and his little cousin play with Bear. Her sister asked her if she could watch him for the day while she and her husband re-painted their house.

Her thoughts slowly drifted to a situation that had been building amongst her friends every since the whole HR mess. It started off with Sam telling her that they were all wondering what was going on between her and John. Apparently they all thought that her and John were sleeping together and keeping it a secret.

A few weeks later Fusco asked if wonder boy had swept her off her feet. She laughed and asked him what made him think that. He pointed out that they were always laughing loudly with one another and always stood so close to one another that people might think they were joined at the hip.

A few weeks later Sam put her 2 cents in and said she hated being around her and john when they had their creepy lovey dovey eye conversations. That consisted of them smiling and staring at each other too long.

She kind of felt foolish that it took her as long as it did to notice what was going on between them. After the HR mess it took her a while to sort out her feelings. After endless days of thinking about him and restless nights of dreaming about him she figured out that she wanted more than just a fling she wanted more. After a few dates she was relieved to find out he wanted something more too.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a hand covering her eyes and a cheery voice telling her to "guess who". She laughed and said "Ian". He let out a sarcastic laugh as he kissed her cheek and sat down next to her. As he was watching Taylor and her nephew play with Bear she took in his appearance seeing that even he was dressed to enjoy the weather today, wearing a plain black t-shirt and dark blue jeans.

He yawned and laid down and putting his head in her lap. She began rubbing his scalp and asked how his morning went. He muttered something about angry strippers and Leon and closed his eyes. She let out a chuckle as she looked around the park. She looked down at his face and asked him if he knew Fusco and Sam were spying on them. He let out a laugh as a grin spread across his face. She leaned down and gave him a soft kiss. If their friends hadn't figured out by now, that what was between them was love, then they were all clueless.


	20. Chapter 20

"There's one thing left to do…say you will…..Marry me"-Train

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It had been 18 months since their relationship crossed the line of 'just friends'. He had known her for almost 4 years now. Three weeks ago he finally got up the nerve to fully commit to his plan. After talking to Taylor and her Joss's mother he was going to propose to her. With Taylor's help he was able to find out her ring size without her knowing. It took him 13 days to find the perfect ring.

The woman at the counter showed him the final purchase, which was a 4.55ct oval cut diamond on a platinum band. After he approved it she put it into a black velvet ring box and placed the ring box into the company's signature 'little blue box' and wrapped it in a white ribbon. The woman told him whoever he was about to pop the question to was a lucky woman. He shook his head and told her that if she said yes, it was going to be him who was the lucky one.

He made his way out of the store and looked at his watch he still had a few hours to get ready and dressed. Tonight they were going out to dinner, then the opera and then he was going to ask her the big questions. He had decided after and even during the HR mess that they might not get a tomorrow. He was tired of waiting and he couldn't live with himself if he let what they had slip through his figures.

Tonight he was going to get down on one knee and he'd ask her to marry him, if she said yes, he was going to make it his mission for the rest of his life to make every minute of every day with her count. If she said yes he was going to truly be a happy man. He sat down on the foot of his bed next to his tuxedo and held the box in his hand. He really hopes she will say yes tonight.


	21. Chapter 21

**An: This ones for J2CaReese.I hope I captured what you were looking for.**

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_You're everything I need and more, it's written all over your face Baby, I can feel your halo... I got my angel now"- Beyonce_

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Her mother had raised her to be strong and independent. She always told her that she should never rely on anyone to provide for her. Ever since then she had relied on herself and kept people at a distance. When she graduated High School she joined the military. Once she got out she put herself through law school.

Instead of sitting on her ass and crying about her situation with Paul, she took matters into her own hands and divorced him, not only to protect herself but to protect her son too. She busted her ass to become a detective and raise her income level, because she wasn't going to rely on Paul for child support. Most people, especially her colleagues thought she was a tight-assed bitch with an attitude problem. But she didn't care, nothing they said could penetrate her guard of steel.

She paid her own bills, bought her own stuff, and raised her child by herself. She always thought she would never feel like she needed anyone, because she could take care of herself. But all that changed with a chance meeting, when a homeless man beat up a bunch of punks on the subway.

She rolled over on her side and watched as John slept next to her. She watched the rise and fall of his chest as he lay on his back quietly snoring. She couldn't stop the smile that spread across her face, she never would have imagined this was how they'd end up. What started out as an investigation into an international criminal resulted in her falling in love.

Now that she thought about it she remembered the points in time where their relationship changed. The first time she started seeing him in a different light was when he saved her from getting killed by her CI. At that moment he became more than just a vigilante. When Snow tricked her and she almost got him killed was when she realized she didn't consider him her enemy. Slowly over time she realized that she could trust him and began to see him as her friend. She realized she had his trust when he came to her and asked her to help him find Finch.

Then somewhere in between those moments things changed without her realizing it. The moment she threw caution to the wind and tampered with federal evidence, was when she realized that he was more than just her friend. In the hallway in the DOD building, she realized she had feelings for him when she didn't want to let go of his arm. Even if she couldn't have disarmed the bomb she wanted to stay with him so he wouldn't be alone. When she was lying on the ground bleeding from being shot by Simmons, a claim took over her as she realized she was okay with dying and leaving her son, if it meant that he would live.

When she woke up in the hospital to see him slumped over her bedside, she decided she couldn't let him go. He was the only one she wanted to be with, the only one she needed to be with. He told her that she changed him, the funny thing was he changed her too. Whenever he was around her it was like the walls she built around herself didn't exist. It was like they tumbled and fell like dust around her feet whenever she was in his presence.

She snuggled closer to him and he subconsciously embraced her. He was her saving grace, he was everything she needed and more. He was her blue eyed angel in a nice suit. She closed her eyes and laid her head on his chest. It took them awhile to get to where they were now, but their love was like water, smooth, strong and calm, and just like water in time it could cut through anything.


	22. Chapter 22

"Then turn around! Stick it out! Even white boys got to shout…Baby got back!"- Sir Mix-A-Lot

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As soon as the words left the man's mouth John threw his fist across his face, knocking him out cold. The day had stared out normal they got a number who turned out to be a gang member who was about to shoot up a store because the owner wouldn't pay the gang protection money.

In order to keep the shooting at a minimal he and Shaw called in Fusco and Carter at the last minute. He forgot that today was Joss's day off, and judging by her attire she was probably at her weekly yoga class. He wasn't complaining though, her figure certainly did yoga pants justice.

One of the other members of the gang tried to take a pot shot at Shaw from behind, but before he could pull the trigger Joss body slammed him. She was currently bent over putting cuffs on the guy when the young man next to him made an indecent and lude comment about what he'd do to Joss if she was ever alone with him.

Long story short, he wasn't having this young buck talk about his girlfriend or her attributes. So now his fist hurt and the man was unconscious on the floor. Joss was staring at him with a look that said 'was that really necessary'. He just shrugged his shoulders and said the man fell.

He watched as a few squad cars pulled up and put the gang members in the back of the cars. He watched as Joss walked away with Fusco. He heard Shaw snicker beside him, when he turned to look at her she had a smirk on her face and she asked what he was looking at. He smirked and made his way to the car, just because he was white didn't mean he didn't appreciate a woman who had back.


	23. Chapter 23

"Every step I take, every move I make, every single day…I'll be missing you"- Puff Daddy

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The silence of the apartment was disrupted as the beeping of an alarm clock went off. John opened his eyes and slowly sat up and turned the alarm off. He took a deep breath and made his way to the bathroom to get ready for the day ahead.

While he was getting dressed he looked at the picture he tapped to the corner of the mirror. As he stared at the picture of her smiling face, he resisted the urge to get back into bed and give up on life. It had been almost 7 months since she died. Somehow it felt like it was just yesterday that she was still alive and with him.

Every day he woke up and hoped that he was still dreaming. He felt like he was on autopilot most days. He would get up, go save strangers, eat, go to sleep and start the cycle all over again.

As every minute turned to hours and every hour turned to days, it didn't make him miss her any less. He couldn't even express in words what she was to him, but he knew that it was something irreplaceable. The world was cruel, for all the evil and terrible people who lived on this plant, life had to take her.

It was hard for him to keep saving people, but he had too. Not just for his own sanity but because he knew she wouldn't want him to give up. It was his memories of her that gave him the strength to keep going on with life. Every move he made was in her honor

He never considered himself religious but sometimes he felt like she was still watching over him. He wished that he had the power to turn back the hands of time but he couldn't and he'd come to accept that. He made her a promise that he would see her on the other side. So until that day came he would continue living on waiting for the day when he could see her face again.


	24. Chapter 24

"Cause the way I feel I might lose control… and never let go"-Selena

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The music was slow and soft in the background. The day had started out with John asking her for help with a number. She agreed and as a result she ended up in an evening gown in an expensive mansion in the Hamptons. They were posing as a wealthy couple to keep eyes on an investment banker who had been stealing money from the company he was working for.

Their target decided to dance with his date which caused her and John to get on the dance floor to be able to keep an eye on him. The orchestra was playing a slow song and she was swaying back and forth cradled in John's arms. Her head was leaned on his shoulder and she couldn't stop herself from inhaling, he smelled amazing.

She knew she should have said no when he asked her, but she was actually excited to be able to spend time with him. She had slowly come to enjoy everything about him, from the way he walked to the the way he said her name. She knew her feelings for him were starting to become more than platonic. She knew that what she was feeling was potentially going to take her down a dangerous path. But every time she tried to talk herself out of her feelings it just seemed to make them stronger.

She sighed as she closed her eyes and enjoyed his touch if only for just one night but if she wasn't careful she could end up falling hopelessly in love with him. As she enjoyed holding him and being held by him she wondered how long she was going to be able to keep her feeling to herself.


	25. Chapter 25

"Let the sky fall, when it crumbles, we will stand tall, face it all together"-Adele

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She put her gun down on the table as she helped John to an empty chair. Once she had him seated she ripped his shirt sleeve and tired it around the gunshot wound in his arm. Once she was done she sat back against the table and thought about the events that led up to their current situation.

They had received a number yesterday morning, they had thought that the man was an innocent victim but they were wrong. He turned out to be a member of the terrorist group Vigilance. Long story short they were ambushed and lost communications. Then all hell broke loose when vigilance's back-up arrived with sub machine guns, she didn't even know were Shaw or Fusco were.

They manged to get a few blocks away and take cover in an office building. She purposely tripped the alarm in the hopes that the cops would show up before their enemy did, but she had a feeling that they weren't going to be so lucky this time.

She looked at John, he was still mad at her for staying with him instead of trying to get to safety. She leaned forward and held his hand, if this was the end then they were going to face it together. She wasn't going to let him die alone, she was going to be with him no matter what. Her thoughts were interrupted by loud banging and the sound of footsteps.

John stood up and grabbed his gun. She turned around and grabbed hers as well. She felt his hand on her shoulder as he kissed her and told her he loved her. Then they both geared up their guns and turned toward the door and braced themselves for whatever was coming their way.


	26. Chapter 26

"Cause if your love was all I had in this life, that would be enough until the end of time"- Justin Timberlake

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John flicked the TV off ha had enough of watching the news talk about all the disastrous of the world. He slowly got up from the couch and made his way to the kitchen. He stood in the door jamb to the kitchen and watched as Joss did the remaining dishes that didn't fit in the dishwasher.

Then had feed and housed an army of family and friends for Thanksgiving. Given all of his life choices and his past he never thought that he would get a chance to have a traditional Thanksgiving with friends, let alone with family.

He smiled at her she was everything he wanted and more. She was the light in his dreary and dark life she helped to keep his demons at bay. Just being around her was a blessing.

He used to thrive on the job Harold gave him but now he was sick and tired of trying to save the world, all he wanted to do is curl up in bed and spend all his time with her.

He walked up behind her and kissed her shoulder and cheek and made her stop washing the dishes. He turned her around and picked her up. She had been on her feet all day making sure everyone had everything they needed. It was time for her to relax and for him to take care of her.

If all he ever had in this life was her love then that would be all he ever needed. As long as they had each other they'd be more than alright for the rest of their lives.


	27. Chapter 27

**AN: Hey guy sorry for the late update I'm currently studying abroad and its hard to get internet access. Heres two short ones when in get back home next week ill upload more.**

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_"Now hold me close, boy let's take this overboard… I want you to rock the boat"-Aaliyah_

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It was like they were on a boat together in the middle of a sea of passion. She buried her head into the soft tangled mess of John's bed sheets. She felt like she was on dope and every sense she had was in overdrive. Every soft touch of his hands caused goose bumps to rise across her skin. Every gentle brush of his lips and nip of his teeth made her lose her train of thought and every time he hit her spot she arched her back and saw stars.

When they both finally came back to earth, he'd always hold her close and whisper sweet everything's into her ear. Every time they made love the experience was always surreal. It was like they were both using their mind, body and soul to explore one another.

Their throes of passion ranged from fast raw lust to slow gentle caresses. All she ever had to do was look him in the eyes and give him that look and he would rock her world.

With the way he loved her body and soul John Reese would always have her vote. She moved on top of him and kissed his lips and neck.

They were both drifting deeper into their sea and she didn't feel like coming ashore anytime soon.


	28. Chapter 28

_"I came back to let you know, got a thing for you and I can't let go…In my world, only you make me do_  
_for love what I would not do"- Bobby Caldwell_

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John rubbed his bandaged bicep as he walked down the street. Early in the week they had received a number of a teenager who was mixed up in a gang, he called Joss and Fusco for back up. They cornered the kid and he drew his gun on them and fired at Joss. Before he knew what he was doing he had already tackled Joss to the ground and as result he got clipped in the arm.

After they subdued the kid, Joss yelled at him for being reckless and taking unnecessary risk. When he and Shaw got back to the library, she and Harold questioned his judgment. They pointed out that It was unlike him to overreact and lose his composure.

Now that he thought about the situation he realized that had he not tackled her, she could have easily stepped out of the way of the bullet and he wouldn't have gotten clipped in the arm.

He came out of his thoughts and looked around the empty street and realized he was at his destination. He had been at his apartment 20 minutes ago but he had an epiphany and had to confront it.

He slowly moved up the steps to Joss's house and knocked on her door. It took him a week of soul searching to find out why he did the things he did for Joss. The truth was plain and simple and had been in front of his face for a long time. He had feelings for her, he was falling in love with her.

He looked up as she opened the door. As he stared into her eyes he knew that he was in love with her and would do anything to protect her. He was standing on her porch at 11:30PM to tell her he loved her. He was determined to win her heart not matter how long it would take. He needed her in his life and he wasn't going to take the easy way out this time and let her go. He was going to fight for her because his heart and soul depended on it.


	29. Chapter 29

"_In the darkest night hour I'll search through the crowd, your face is all that I see..you better kiss me before our time has run out"-Beyonce_

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Joss moved through the massive crowd of people that were gathered to watch the ball drop and welcome in the New Year. She smirked as she saw Taylor standing with his girlfriend a few rows ahead of her. She gave them some space so she didn't embarrass him.

She made her way to the side street where there were less people standing. Once she had a clear line of sight on Taylor from her new spot she looked up and gazed at the ball that was about to bring in the New Year. She gently touched her left arm remembering the year that was about to pass. Although she was physically healed as much as possible, she still was emotionally struggling and every time she looked at her left arm she felt like crying.

After she had woken up in the hospital she and the doctors found out that Simmons's bullet had destroyed some of her nerves and as a result she couldn't feel anything from her left shoulder down to her left hand and she could only moved three fingers on her left hand.

She was no longer a cop but thanks to a private benefactor she was the head of her own law firm. She still helped out with the numbers from time to time but she didn't get to see the team as often as she would like to.

She sighed and touched her lips and closed her eyes. She missed seeing John. He had been so distant since Simmons shot her. When she did get a chance to see and talk with him, their conversations consisted of quick 'how are yous '.

She wanted to ask him if he meant everything he told her in the morgue and she especially wanted to ask him about their kiss.

Her thoughts were interrupted when a hand touched her shoulder she turned her head and looked up and was surprised to see John. The lights in the square dimmed and she could hear the crowd of people began the countdown.

As she gazed into his eyes she wanted to say so much to him. She wanted to ask him how he was doing, wanted to tell him she missed him. She wanted to ask him if he knew that he was constantly on her mind. She wanted to tell him that even in a crowd of thousands of strangers he was all she saw. She wanted to tell him she loved him with all of her heart and soul. She wanted to ask him to love her forever. She wanted to say so much but for some reason the words wouldn't come out of her mouth.

She felt his hand as he removed her fingers from her lips and she felt his calloused fingers as his hand touched her cheek and ear as he held the side of her face.

The countdown ended and confetti fell all around them as another year passed leaving behind old memories and setting the stage for new ones.

She grabbed the front of his coat. She tried to fight the pull between them but she knew deep down that there was no obstacle that could stop her from crashing into him. She took a deep breath as she gazed at him. Time stopped for no one and the thought of their time together being cut short was a real possibility. She closed her eyes and leaned in to kiss him. She loved John and she would give her all for him from now until the end.


	30. Chapter 30

"_It's not a bad thing to fall in love with me...And I won't stop until you believe it Cause baby you're worth it"- Justin Timberlake_

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John straightened his tie and fixed his hair one last time. He was taking Joss out to dinner and a play. After the HR mess he decided he wasn't going to fight what they had anymore. He knew what he wanted. He wanted her love. He wanted to be able to hold her when she was sad or happy. He wanted to buy her nice things and cook for her when she was tired. He wanted to be the one to take care of her when she had a cold. He wanted to be a parental figure for Taylor.

Most of all he wanted her to be the first thing he saw when he woke up in the morning and the last voice he heard before he fell asleep at night.

He knew that her ex-husband had left a scars on her heart when he broke his promise to love her unconditionally and she was just trying to keep herself and heart safe. He wanted her to know that she could trust him. He wanted to show her that letting herself love him wasn't a bad thing.

He loved her and if he had to spend years proving to her that he was true to his word and he would never hurt her, he would. He wanted her to know that he would always be there for her no matter what. He wanted to let her know that if she allowed herself to fall, he would catch her and hold her in his arms forever.

Some people might consider what he was doing as being excessive but that only meant they never truly loved another person. He truly loved Jocelyn Carter, she was worth everything he had and could possible give and so much more.


	31. Chapter 31

_"Let me hear you say 'Hey, Ms. Carter!' Say 'Hey, Ms. Carter!'…and tell me how it's lookin' babe"-Beyonce_

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John hastily made his way down the marble steps of the gala while loosen his bow tie. To say he was a little hot under the collar was an understatement and it was all Joss's fault. Earlier in the day they had received the number of an ultra philanthropist who was the unfortunate target of a hate group. In order to blend in with the crowd they had to wear evening attire. They all had showed up separately he and Finch showed up first and Shaw and Joss were going to join them later.

After a few minutes of mingling and looking at art work Shaw snuck up behind them with a half eaten plate of figure food. She informed them that she cased the place and was keeping an eye on their number. He took notice that Joss wasn't anywhere in sight and he asked Shaw where she was.

Shaw tilted her head toward a small crowd of older men and grinned. He excused himself and made his way over to the 4 older gentlemen that where standing in a semi circle. When that sinister grin spread across Shaw's face he should of know he was in trouble.

He could barely stop his jaw from hitting the ground. Standing in the middle of the circle commanding attention was Joss and just by her appearance he knew why these men where circling her like vultures.

She wore a floor length red sleeveless gown that left her back out. As his eyes traveled up her back he was even more shocked at the tattoo she had on the back of her neck that was now fully exposed because of the up hairdo she was sporting. When she finally turned around he noticed the thigh high slit in the front of her dress. By the time he managed to drag his eyes up her figure and make eye contact. She had on very little makeup and her lips were painted red.

Finally coming out of his haze he injected himself into the circle of men around Joss grabbing her by the waist and excused himself and his 'Girlfriend' to the dance floor.

Long story short after the crisis was averted he decided to poke fun at her and asked her how many other tattoos she had. She leaned up in his personal space and whispered into his ear that he'd have to take her dress off and find out himself, and then she nipped his ear and walked out the building.

Once he was down the steps of the gala he made his way to the town car that he and Finch arrived in. He slide into the car and closed the door he turned to say something to Finch the words died on his tongue. Sitting in Finch's place were a pair of finely toned female legs that were crossed at the knees.

When he finally managed to make eye contact with Joss he was at a loss for words. She uncrossed her legs and leaned forward and politely asked the driver to roll up the partition. He watched as she removed the clip from her head letting her hair fall passed her shoulders. She shifted in the seat and put one of her legs in his lap and leaned back against the door and asked him if he was ready to find her other tattoos.


	32. Chapter 32

_"I won't give up on us even if the skies get rough I'm giving you all my love… God knows we're worth it"-Jason Mraz_

* * *

Joss watched as John's chest rose and fell as he slept. She gently touched his hand as she looked at the heart monitor. The group known as vigilance had used John as a distraction in order to stop them from interfering with their plans. When she and Fusco cornered one of the leaders he gave her an ultimatum follow him or go save didn't even have to thank about the choice.

By the time she got to the location she saw one of the lackeys shoot John twice in the stomach before kicking him off the pier. Thankfully the water was cold enough that it helped to slow the bleeding. It gave her just enough time to get John to Shaw for medical attention.

She and John had been getting closer ever since she brought down HR. After endless nights of thinking she decided that she wanted to be with him no matter what. Every time she looked at him she could see the struggle he went through to get himself to where he's was now.

They were both teaching and learning from one another. Once the meds wore off and he woke up she knew he would try to push her away. But she was a stubborn woman and knew she wouldn't walk away so easily from him.

She was a fighter and a lover and she would fight to have Johns love and shed fight even harder to keep it. Even if in the end all they turned out to be were just friends shed always be there for him.

She was brought out of her thoughts as she heard John's heart beat speed up. She looked up at his face as his eyes fluttered and he slowly came to. After she gave him a moment to collect his thoughts she stood up and moved closer to the head of his bed.

She stroked his cheek and leaned in and kissed his forehead. She sat back down and held his hand and they just looked at one another. She felt a soft smile spread across her face. She knew that their skies were going to get rough but she wasn't going to give up on loving him. Every day was going to be a new challenge for them and they both still had a lot to learn. But she was willing to go the distance because he was worth it, they we're worth it.


	33. Chapter 33

"_You're everything that I see I want your high love and emotion endlessly…just hold on we're going home"-Drake_

* * *

John sat in the car as it slowly crept through traffic. Soft jazz played on the radio as he lost himself in his thoughts. Things had been hectic every since the fall of HR. He constantly felt like they were all struggling to keep their heads above water as wave after wave of chaos crashed over them.

Eventually the storm passed and all that was left was calm.

He glanced to his right and looked at Joss as she was looking out the window. They had just had a wonderful uninterrupted evening. They had come so far together as comrades, friends, and lovers.

He had been around the world and been in the company of many types of women but he only had eyes for Joss. He could settle for a dispassionate romance to pass the time but he didn't want that. He wanted a woman who could give him endless amounts of high levels of love and emotion. He wanted a woman that cared about his mind and soul, he wanted a woman who wasn't afraid to put him in his place when he stepped out of line. Most of all he wanted a woman who would hold onto him and never let go.

Ever since he first meant Joss she managed to keep his eyes on her in one way or another. Her loyalty and personality had left a mark on him and he couldn't just move on and dismiss their connection.

When their friends found out about them he was sure they were all wondering how he managed to make a good girl like Joss love him. But that was the beauty of what they had together, it didn't matter to them if everyone could see what they had, all that mattered to them was what they shared in their private moments.

He let a smile spread across his face. Jocelyn Carter was defiantly a good girl to the world but when she was with him she was everything he ever wanted. She was the woman that he loved and if he was lucky enough she could be the woman that became his wife one day.

The traffic was starting to clear up and the car began picking up speed. He reached across the consul and interlocked his fingers with hers.

He glanced in the rearview mirror as they passed the wreck that was holding up traffic. He turned his eyes back on the road ahead. As the traffic completely broke he veered the car off the ramp toward their exit and headed home.


	34. Chapter 34

_"Everything you're holding on to falls…All the rules are changing now You're living in sin…And the demons all around you waiting For you to sell your soul."-Kari Kimmel_

* * *

Joss poured gasoline over furniture and Simmons dead body and lit a match and set the house a flame as she made her way to her unmarked car. As she sat in the car she reached into her pocket and pulled out a single brass bullet and rubbed it between her fingers. Everything had fallen apart.

HRs poison ran deeper than she thought. She never even thought that they had a mole in the FBI. That mole had ruined everything she worked so hard to accomplish. The mole had corrupted her evidence and allowed Simmons and Quinn to cop a deal that allowed them to get off scotch free and start over anew in witness protection. They hadn't been satisfied with that and used their last connections to get revenge on her.

First the FBI mole tipped Simmons off, which led to him ambushing her and John. It happened so fast she took a bullet to the stomach and John had stepped in front of her and he wasn't wearing a vest. Tears blurred her vision, he didn't make it, and he died in her arms. When she woke from surgery she found out that they weren't done making her suffer. The tears that had been building in her eyes spilled over. They took her son from her too.

In that moment her soul scattered, justice and the law failed her. That night her soul crossed over to the dark. She was going to get her revenge. She left a wake of bodies everywhere she turned looking for Simmons and Quinn. Harold's machine had tried to stop her but Shaw had intentionally let her go to finish what she started.

Joss put the bullet back in her pocket and started the car and headed to the address Simmons gave her before she put two bullets in his head.

Her rules had changed now and the only thing that was going to stop her was Quinn's death or hers.


	35. Chapter 35

_"Find light in the beautiful sea …You and I…We're like diamonds in the sky"-Rihanna_

* * *

Joss walked up the last few steps to the apartment's rooftop. A smile spread across her face as she saw him leaning over the rail looking out over the skyline of New York. She walked up to the railing and stood next to him. As soon as she was close enough to him he reached out and pulled her into his arms. She closed her eyes and relaxed into his arms. He leaned his forehead against hers and kissed her nose as they looked into each other's eyes

It was like magic whenever she looked into his eyes, whenever he held her it made her feel so alive. She loved when they had moments to themselves where they didn't need their armor or guns. She loved when it was just the two of them at peace in their own world.

She turned around in his arms as they observed the night. The stars were out tonight shining bright over the city that never sleeps. It was funny though, for some reason she couldn't help but feel like they dulled in compassion to them.


	36. Chapter 36

_"I know that it might sound more than a little crazy but I believe I knew I loved you before I met you I think I dreamed you into life"-Savage Garden  
_

* * *

John turned on his side and watched as Joss slept next to him. It was poetic how they ended up together. It was a miracle that they were able to carve out a life for themselves. He remembered the first night he met her. It might sound a little farfetched but he felt like he dreamed her into existence. One minute he was wallowing in self hate and guilt silently looking for a helping hand and then she shows up and asked if he needed help. Then he found himself looking for a friend and assuredly enough she shows up and helps him find the path he was looking for.

It was crazy how he was able to see his future in her eyes. He told her on their first official date that he was pretty sure he loved her before he even met her. He was almost positive if he were to go blind and meet her all over again for the first time he would still fall in love with her soul.

He reached over and pulled her close and kissed her forehead. He let a chuckled out when she half mumbled in her sleep that she was too tired for sex.

Yeah if he ever had to do it over again he wouldn't change a thing.

Getting thrown into her path after he beat those punks up on the subway was the best thing that ever happened to him. He found the missing pieces of his soul that were taken from him, he was complete now that he had her.

He closed his eyes, after so long wandering and looking he had finally found his way home.


	37. Chapter 37

_"He's easy to love, but he's hard to give up and if you think I will, well, you're wrong, but he must make a choice between us, so may the best woman win"-Dolly Parton_

* * *

Joss looked across the table as she stirred the mint in her Mojito as she stared at the yellow color of the Lemondrop drink Zoe was sipping on. They both made eye contact and smiled. They had been on a case that involved a lounge singer and the debt that was owed to a shady business shark. Unfortunately they couldn't identify who the threat was coming from so they needed all hands on deck. Long story short Shaw stopped the guy from killing the singer by bashing his face in with a stool.

It had been her first case back with them after shed been hospitalized by Simmons. It was also her first time out with John since they're confessional in the morgue. Though they didn't talk about the kiss they shared he still had that look in his eyes whenever he looked at her. This brought her back to her current situation.

There was no doubt in her mind that John and Zoe had some type of relationship. But if John was really interested in starting anything with her then whatever he and Zoe had was going to come to an abrupt in.

Zoe was a smart and headstrong woman like herself. So they were going to handle the situation with tact. No name calling, no hair pulling, no catfight. They both acknowledged the fact that both of them wanted John. They weren't going to psychically fight each other over John, or any man for that matter but the stage was set for a decision to be made and that decision could only be made by John.

They both turned their heads and started at John. Her eyes caught Shaw and Fusco trying to contain their laughter in the background. Even though she was dead serious she was barley containing her laughter too. John looked like he was a kid who got in trouble at school and principal called his parents.

She glanced at Zoe one last time before she turned her eyes on John and leaned back in her chair and crossed her legs at the knees. May the best woman win.


	38. Chapter 38

_"I don't want a lot for Christmas There is just one thing I need make my wish come true all I want for Christmas is you" - Mariah Carey_

* * *

John watched and held a box full of ornaments as he watched Joss decorate the Christmas tree. The sun had set 30 minutes ago they had spent the entire day decorating her house and baking. Well Joss baked and he ate. The only reason he stopped was because she popped him in the hand with the spoon.

It had been a very long time since he helped decorate for Christmas. Joss had done her shopping earlier and he figured out she was trying to get him something too.

He let out a laugh Joss was many things but being discrete wasn't one of them.

Honestly she didn't need to get him anything he didn't want anything that could be bought in the stores. In fact the only thing he needed was just her. But for some reason whenever it came to him trying to ask her out he got tongue tied.

How was he supposed to ask the woman he was slowly failing in love with, that all he wanted for Christmas was her.

Before he could control his thoughts, images of Joss dressed in a Santa outfit sitting on his bed asking him if he'd been naughty or nice flashed across his mind. His cheeks and ears started to get warm as he felt his blush trying to take over his face.

He was brought out of his thoughts when he heard her ask him if he was alright. He cleared his throat and nodded while he moved the box strategically in front of his suddenly tight pants.

He knew the one thing he needed right now was a cold shower.


	39. Chapter 39

_"It's too big, It's too wide, It's too strong, It won't fit, It's too much, It's too tough, He talk like this 'cause he can back it up..He got a big ego."-Beyonce_

* * *

Joss sat at the table in the restaurant her hair and nails were done she was feeling relaxed. She was enjoying her evening with her girlfriends from college. They were all chatting about work, their kids and their love lives.

When it got to their love lives they all zeroed in on her. Out of all her friends she was the only one divorced. So they asked her if she had a new man in her life. Her friend Jordon asked her if she was getting any.

She was going to tell them to mind their business but thought crossed her mind. When she left the house earlier John had questioned why she was so dressed up and who she was going out with. She told him just her friends but knowing him and his boundary issues he was probably listening in on her conversation right now.

A wicked smile spread across her face. So she leaned forward and began telling her girlfriends all about the new man in her life. She told them all about his 6ft 2in blue eyed suit wearing man. She told them about how sweet he was and how well he got along with Taylor.

Then the most important question came up how was he in bed. She wiggled in her chair and told them he had big hands and feet and his ego was big too and he knew how to use it. They all busted out laughing at the table.

When she got home that night he certainly showed her he could back up her words.


	40. Chapter 40

_"He dresses like a dapper don, but even in jeans he's a God-sent original, the man of my dreams… A lover and a fighter and he'll knock a sucker out… what a man, what a man what a mighty good man"-Salt-N-Pepa_

* * *

Joss finished giving her statement to the beat cops that where first on the scene. She watched as the four ambulances carted off four unconscious men. Joss made her way to the tall man in dark blue jeans and black t-shirt.

Today had started off normal she did her grocery shopping and John and Taylor ate have the fridge in the first hour it was restocked. Today had perfect gardening weather so she decided to do some gardening only to find out she needed a new spade.

She decided to go to the hardware store and John tagged along since Taylor ditched him to go hang out with his friends. When they were leaving the store a group of wannabe thugs keep making lude remarks at her and told her she needed to ditch the white boy. She told John to ignore it and he did but unfortunately they couldn't take a hint.

Long story short the ring leader smacked her ass and then all hell broke loose and when she says hell she just means John. The ring leaders arm was probably broken and the rest probably had bruised ribs and head injuries.

As she walked up to John and told him he was off the hook. He was far from perfect and so was she but she had to give him props when he deserved it. He was always so good to her, it was rare that you found a man who treated you like royalty because they wanted too. Yeah sex was great with Paul but man did John know what he was doing, she had never in her life passed out from pleasure before. She once asked him if that was part of his CIA training.

He gave her goose bumps whenever he touched her. She loved when he got overprotective of her, who knew seeing her man beat the hell out of punks for her was a turn on. She pulled his face down and gave him a sweet and sensual kiss and they headed home. John was her man and a mighty good on at everything.


	41. Chapter 41

"_We all need somebody to lean on,_ _If there is a load you have to bear that you can't carry, I'm right up the road, I'll share your load, if you just call me"-Bill Withers_

* * *

John sat on her bed as he waited for her to get home. He knew what she was up to she was trying to take on HR by herself. He didn't care about the consequences he was going to make her let him help.

He was brought out of his thoughts when her bedroom door opened. She scolded him for 20 minutes about his breaking into her home all the time and getting in her business and telling him she could handle herself.

When she finally realized that he wasn't going anywhere she went about her business getting ready for bed. When she was finally done getting ready for bed she walked out of the bathroom and glared at him. When that didn't work she dramatically sighed and put her reading glasses on and got under her covers.

She then told him to get comfortable so he removed his jacket and took off his shoes and moved up to the head of her bed and sat next to her with his back against the pillows and the headboard.

He watched as she reached into her nightstand and pulled out three folders crammed full of papers and pictures and dropped them in his lap.

They spent the rest of the night going over all of her evidence and her plan to turn the Russians against HR. At some point they must of fell asleep because he woke up in the middle of the night and found Joss curled into his side.

He gently removed her glasses from her face and flicked off the light and laid back down and put his arms around her.

She needed him right now and he was going to be there for her. Because if he sat by and did nothing as she started a war and she got hurt or worse he would never forgive himself.

He kissed her forehead and his eyes drifted shut.


	42. Chapter 42

"_But in the end, if I'm with you, I'll take the chance… Whatever it takes or how my heart breaks I will be right here waiting for you"-Richard Marx_

* * *

Joss sighed as she walked into her house. It had been 10 months and 15 days since John, Finch and Sam disappeared. She remembered the last text she got from John before she had to ditch her burn phone.

The text message was simple and was just four words long 'Please wait for me'. Every day that passed by made her heart hurt, she sometimes cried at night thinking she was never going to see him again.

She missed all their conversations, she missed his smile and she missed the laughter they shared together.

She tossed her bag and keys in the living room and moved over to her front window and looked out onto the street. As she looked up and down the street she searched for a familiar purple car or a motorbike when she didn't see them she closed her eyes as her heart fell.

She was on the verge of tears when a familiar voice asked her from behind if she was searching for anyone in particular. Her eyes flew open as she clutched the curtain as a few tears fell from her eyes.

She replied back in a soft voice that she barley recognized as her own that she was looking for her man in a suit.

She couldn't contain herself anymore and she spun around and flung herself into his arms. She held onto him and told him she was never letting him go again.


	43. Chapter 43

"_There's a boy I know, he's the one I dream of… How will I know if he really loves me I say a prayer with every heart beat I fall in love whenever we meet I'm asking you what you know about these things"-Whitney Houston_

* * *

John had been worried when Joss didn't respond to his text so he rushed over to her place. He opened the front door and was about to start calling her name when he heard music and singing coming from the kitchen.

He slowly made his way down the hall and peeked into the kitchen. Standing in the kitchen in a tank top and shorts with her hair up in a bun was Joss. She had her back to him as she stood in front of the stove with yellow rubber gloves on cleaning.

It wasn't her appearance that grabbed his attention it was her voice. Although he could her Whitney's voice playing in the background Joss's voice was louder. He was amazed as he listened to her sing, he never knew that she could sing so well.

His eyes widened when she got to the chorus of the song and she added his name into it. He stood stunned for a moment as he listens to her sing about how she would know if he really loved her.

In that second he made up his mind, he saw her phone on the counter he picked it up and turned the ringer back on then he silently made his way back down the hallway and out the front door closing it quietly.

He pulled out his phone as he made his way to his car and called her, after a few rings she picked up. After talking to her for 10 minutes he started his car and rushed to the grocery store. He had a few hours to make dinner and make himself presentable for his date with Joss tonight.


	44. Chapter 44

"_If we do the unthinkable would it make us look crazy Or would it be so beautiful either way I'm sayin' If you ask me I'm ready"-Alicia Keys_

* * *

It was cold out it was suppose to snow again tonight. Joss had told John to meet her at the pier so they could talk. It had been two months since HR went down, two months since she had been shoot, and two months since John kissed her.

She had given their relationship a lot of thought during her mandatory bed. Over the past two months, other than checking in on her and wishing her happy holidays, John had been avoiding having a real conversation with her.

At first she was thankful because she didn't know where to go after his confession to her. But after some time to herself she was able to sort out her feelings.

She wanted John in her life as more than just a friend. She wanted to hold him and be held by him. She wanted love and judging by his words and kiss, he wanted more than just friendship too.

After coming to the all too real realization that they didn't have all the time in the world she decide that one of them needed to make a move.

She was brought out of her thoughts as she heard footsteps crunching in the snow behind her. She took a deep breath and turned around as she watched John walk up and stand arms length in front of her. She tilted her head up and looked into his eyes as she reached out and grabbed his hand.

She could name a million reasons as to why they shouldn't be together but she could also name a million and one as to why they should.

She couldn't say that she planned to fall in love with him and she certainly didn't come prepared with all the answers, but she was willing to try and make what they could have together work.

She was ready, the only question now, was he.


	45. Chapter 45

"_I'll make love to you like you want me to and I'll hold you tight…And I will not let go till you tell me to"-Boyz II Men_

* * *

The next 24 hours was theirs and he made sure they weren't going to be interrupted. He and Joss were taking a break from work and life.

He bought a condo in the Hamptons just for them. He gave Finch the number to the land line in case of emergencies. When they got there he made her give him her phone and he removed the batteries to both hers and his to make sure no one bothered them.

They first went jet skiing and then they spent a few hours on the beach enjoying the sun. After that he took her out to eat dinner and then they took a walk on the beach at night. When they got back to the condo they had wine and he taught her some tango moves.

Right now they were half covered by a sheet as they lay on the plush carpet floor in front of the fire place.

He watched as the light from the fire cast a soft orange glow that danced across her soft brown skin. She was absolutely beautiful in every conceivable way. He adored and admired her. All she had to do was turn her doe eyes on him and her every wish was his command.

He slowly pulled the sheet away from her body and settled himself onto of her. He slowly made a trail with his lips down her body from her lips until he settled on her navel where kissed and nipped at her belly button.

A smile spread across his face when she let out a giggle telling him to stop because she was ticklish.

John looked at the clock it was only 12:45AM, he had all night to show her oh so slowly how much he loved her heart, mind, soul and body and when he was done fulfilling all of her needs, he was going to hold her tight and not let go until she told him to.


	46. Chapter 46

_"And all these thoughts are never resting, and you're not something I deserve, You love me but you don't know who I am I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand"-3 Doors Down_

* * *

John stood by the foot of his bed watching her sleep, she looked so small and delicate.

He slowly moved over to the windows and put his head against the cool glass and closed his eyes. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't distance himself from her. But deep down in his subconscious he knew he didn't deserve anything she gave him.

She deserved to be normal and safe. She deserved a man who could look after her and Taylor, not a man whose past could get either one of them killed. She loved him but she didn't know him, at least not all of him.

She didn't know he still had nightmares about the things he did in the military. She didn't know that the things he did in the Special Forces was what lead the CIA to recruit him. She didn't know what despicable things he did without question for the CIA.

The CIA didn't create the monster in him, they just gave him more opportunities to let it out.

If she did know, she would be disgusted by him. He couldn't tell her because he was afraid she'd hate him forever and leave him all alone. Every day was a challenge for him to lead the life that she and Harold wanted for him. He was constantly torn between trying to be a better man and the truth of what type of man he really was.

He opened his eyes when he felt her hung him from behind. He turned around and held her back. It would be in her best interest to let him go. She was going to have to be the one to let him go because the only way he could see himself letting her go was if he was dead.


	47. Chapter 47

_"Told you I'd be here forever said I'll always be a friend took an oath I'ma stick it out 'til the end… There's no distance in between our love, so go on and let the rain pour"-Rihanna_

* * *

Joss parked her car and looked at the tracker app that was on her phone. John, Harold and Shaw received a number and she didn't know the details of the case but it had an emotional effect on John. So much so that Harold asked her to make sure he was okay.

Joss got out of her car, grabbed her umbrella and made her way to the lone figure sitting on a bench. She touched his shoulder to let him know it was her and then she sat down next to him.

With most people she would start asking questions but not with John. When he needed space she gave it to him. When he needed silence she gave it to him and when he needed comfort she gave it to him. So now she would wait and see what he needed from her.

Her thoughts were disrupted when she heard a roll of thunder. She looked up into the gloomy grey sky and felt the wind pick up as she felt drops of rain. She looked at John and knew he didn't care that it was about to rain.

So she scooted closer to John and opened her umbrella over their heads as the rain began to pour.

After a few moments of silence he gently rested his hand on her knee and squeezed. She gently gripped his hand as it rested on her knee and leaned on his shoulder.

If he needed her to just to sit next to him and hold hand, then she would.


	48. Chapter 48

_"Just cause I love you, and you love me It doesn't mean that we're meant to be…I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears…But I'm scared of loving you. "-Jazmine Sullivan_

* * *

Ever since HR was taken down she had been avoiding John. Whenever he wanted to talk about them she'd always tell him she was busy. She had used every excuse in the book from being busy with work to bad cramps.

At first it had been because she was busy. The FBI had been breathing down her neck to make sure the case against HR held weight. After that it was just her making excuses, because every time she thought about them talking or thought about their kiss and what it meant, she freaked out.

Her of all people,freaked out. She had went toe-to toe with an entire organization of dirty cops, crippled the Russian mob, kidnapped heads of crime families, took on Elias, and been shot multiple times over her life so far. Yet for some reason talking to John about the change in their relationship made her cower.

If she was honest with herself their relationship had changed a long time ago and they both choose to ignore it. But now that the cat was out the bag, their feeling for each other were out in front, and dead center.

She was truly scared of the extent of her feelings for John. Had she not survived Simmons's bullet she would have been content dying to protect him. She was scared of loving John so much that if anything ever happened to him she'd loose her heart.

How was she suppose to tell John that out of all the craziness that surrounded her life daily that loving him and losing him scared her to death.


	49. Chapter 49

_"It might seem crazy what I'm about to say, sunshine she's here, you can take a break…. Because I'm happy"-Pharrell Williams_

* * *

It had been a few months since HR was brought down and he and Joss were working out their schedules. She spent a lot more time behind a desk these days but he guessed being promoted to Sergeant came with more paper work. But them being together was perfect and Joss had finally let him stay the night.

This morning when he woke up he felt excited for the day. John felt like the world was new again. Joss made breakfast and told him he couldn't leave until he ate.. The start of the day was wonderful. His usually cup of morning coffee tasted better than ever and the cement streets of New York seemed brighter, the sky seemed bluer, and the sun seemed brighter. He picked up the morning donuts, coffee and Finch's tea with a smile on his face.

The entire time Finch was explaining their new number he was staring off into space smiling. Shaw and even Bear looked at him funny all day. Once they tracked the number down he busted a few jaws and knee caps and even the violence didn't wipe the smile off his face.

When Fusco arrived to clean up the criminals he made some snide commit all he did in response was smile. He was barley paying attention when Fusco ask Shaw if he was on drugs. When the work day was done he went to his apartment, showered and changed all with a smile on his face.

He had something very special with Joss and he was ecstatic, thrilled, overjoyed, delighted, and blissful and above all he was truly happy. He packed his overnight bag and went home just in time for dinner.


End file.
